What am I doing? Seriously, I can’t do this. Who am I to think my words, my stories, would help other women?!
The Voice of Doubt
When Comparison Becomes a Cage
To say that I have impostor syndrome is an understatement! The fear of rejection I have that has kept me from starting this blogging journey is real ya’ll! I know the things I have been through, and there are times I compare my story to others’ stories.
My life wasn’t that bad, so seriously, what could others learn from me? What can I bring to the world that hasn’t already been done or said?
Still…I refuse to allow fear to freeze my purpose any longer!
But Still...I Have a Story
The Power in the Ordinary
But isn’t that the beauty? I have a story. I have many stories. Stories of defeat. Stories of betrayal, abandonment, learning, grace, victory, and stories of…becoming.
If you’ve found yourself here, I want you to know I don’t take this lightly. I have worked hard to take those experiences and thoughts and use them as lessons, turned to motivation, for helping and encouraging my readers. The belief that someone is waiting for me to do what God has called me to do, well, I believe this blog is part of that calling.
We all have a calling. If you are reading this, you were created, therefore, you have a calling too. Now, I know there will be women who come here that don’t have the same belief system I do. But my hope is that you don’t abandon what is happening here. We do have things in common: *We all have a story, there have been things in our lives that have shook us to our core and are still affecting us now. We all have a part of us that longs for grace. Grace in our becoming.* How do I know that? Because you’re here. You’re curious.
If you aren’t a Bible person, feel free to skip the scripture. But I would also encourage you to read it with an open heart and mind.
Faith in the Becoming
God's Masterpiece at Work
There was a time I didn’t follow Jesus. I was born and raised in south Louisiana, so I was raised in the Catholic religion, but I wasn’t raised in a home that followed Jesus. My parents were good people, but as all humans, they had their “stuff”. And the church we went to left me with a lot of church hurt. More condemnation than Jesus for sure. I don’t remember even one time I felt Jesus’ love growing up. As I went through the developmental stages from child, adolescent, into adulthood I grew further and further away from anything that had to do with the church. I was the prodigal. But friend, the prodigal comes back!!!
Fast forward…I got married, we had a beautiful baby boy, moved to Knoxville, TN, and I decided to give a Methodist church a try. My in-laws at the time were Methodist and my MIL was an amazing depiction of what a Woman Of God is supposed to be. I know she had been praying fervently for me because I had a tugging on my heart for something but was unsure of what it was. So, to the Methodist church I went. For the first time in my life, I felt this “love of God” thing I had been hearing about. After a while, I gave my heart to Jesus, and this is where my healing journey began.
This happened in 2008, so I’ve been a “Christian” for some time. I’ve learned the difference between religion and a relationship with Jesus. I’ve learned how to study the Bible and understand it in a way that theologians do. I have had the privilege to link science and God’s Word in a way that is understandable and doesn’t make sense apart from each other. I have been one of those judgy Christians. I have been angry with God and wrestled with Him.
Aaaaand…I have felt Holy Spirit!!! I have felt God’s love, forgiveness, and grace in such a big way that no one can convince me He’s not real. When I say that Jesus is my homeboy, I mean it! We have been through the trenches as well as the mountaintops together. And let me tell you friend…He has never once left my side!
This journey with Jesus has been crazy, and it’s not over with. I understood this better when I came across this scripture recently…
We are His workmanship, His handiwork, a work of art
TPT-We have become His poetry, a recreated people that will fulfill the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfill it!
AMP-For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above-spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us] [Rom.1:20]
NLT-For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.
Ephesians 2:10
Side note…I really like to read the Word in different translations; I get more meaning and a better understanding of the original text.
So, what’s with this particular scripture? Well, we all have a story, and literature is a form of art. If you think of your life as an art project, what art project is ever fully complete? Not one that I can ever think of. With that in mind, have you noticed that you aren’t the same person you were yesterday, last year, a decade ago? Our experiences have shaped who we are today. Those experiences include the trenches to the mountaintops. Along that journey friend, I believe God is awakening what He has already put in you and created you for.
For me, this scripture has reframed my doubt. As I am becoming who He has created and called me to be, I have to be intentional with what I read and listen to. Ephesians 2:10 is a reminder of God’s grace, Jesus’ friendship, and Holy Spirit’s leading. I am becoming His masterpiece!
From Fear To Forward
If God Called Me, Who Am I Not to Answer?
If God has no bounds by time, and He knew I needed to be here at this point in time, to fulfill the purpose He created me for…why am I so fearful?
Why have I doubted my capabilities of showing up for other women who need to know about grace in their becoming? Shouldn’t I rejoice that I “get to” go through this (including all the “this” I have gone through)?
God has chosen ME because when He knew what I would go through, He created in me EVERYTHING I needed to withstand the storms.
So, wouldn’t the ‘walking through’ be an awakening of what He put in me? To bring Him glory?! [John 9:3]
The apostles were held in high esteem by the people.
The Sadducees were jealous, so they persecuted them.
Gamaliel told of other false prophets that quickly faded after they died. So, he instructed that the apostles be left alone. 38-39“...if this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them.” After getting beat and released, the apostles 41”left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name” [of Jesus].
Acts 5:12-42
The book of Acts in the Bible is the beginning of the “church”. And if you are a follower of Jesus, you are still living this book out today.
What you and I have been through is no surprise to God, friend. I have to stress that God doesn’t cause the ugliness and sin, but He will allow it for different reasons. Like I said before, I had to “go through” some things to get me to where I am right now. The same goes for you. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that when we give our life to Jesus, life just gets easier.
To that I just laugh!
When we give our life to Jesus we enter a new battle ground. BUT this time, we have a Warrior King. Our King is victorious! We now fight because of the victory we have in and with Him. Our fighting looks different as believers. We have the promises from God Himself that we don’t have to worry, be afraid, or be anxious because He’s got the end already figured out.
But friend, here’s where grace comes in…we will never do this perfectly! Even the mightiest of believers failed at times. Go read the Gospels. They walked with Jesus in the flesh, and they still got it wrong most of the time. And can I encourage you, Jesus himself cried out to God to not go to the cross. But He prayed, after lamenting, “Nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done.”
There will be times that your flesh kicks in, friend, and is seemingly stronger than Holy Spirit inside of you. But John reminds us in 1 John 4:4 that Holy Spirit is greater than our flesh! So feed your spirit! Do things different because you want different results. Look to scripture for encouragement from the men and women that suffered way more than we could ever imagine and watch yourself shift from fear and hesitation into holy boldness!
Just like He knew I would be here right now, He knew that you would be here right now. He knows you need encouragement, guidance, hope. I don’t have all the answers. But He does. And I hope that you stick around to see what happens. I can’t wait for you to see that you can “go through” as well!
Before You Go
One more thing before you go…
If I can claim that I Am Worthy and I Am an Overcomer, so can you!
So, say it to yourself, say it out loud if you can. Memorize it…
❤️❤️❤️
So very proud of you.
Thank you for having the courage to share you innermost thoughts with us.
❤️❤️❤️