January 20, 2025 was a first, and probably a last, for Louisiana and the gulf coast. It snowed, blizzard style. It’s never snowed like this here, and it most likely won’t happen again, at least not in our lifetime.
As I sat on my back patio, by my lit fire pit, I contemplated a desire deep in my soul – to be truly loved, but have never fully experienced.
You see, I was married for 15 years; but I don’t think I ever felt like my ex husband loved me. Yes, at one point he liked me enough to ask me to marry him, and I liked him enough to say yes. But it was more of a lust thing, not love. 1 Corinthians 13 gives a very good definition of the truest definition of love:
4“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand it’s own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
I can look back now and see how I wasn’t a great representation of this verse to my husband, but that is a post for another time. For now, I want to focus on how He shows up in what seems impossible.
I heard about the speculation of snow, but the “snow” I was imagining was what we were used to getting, it’s more of an ice than the fluffy snow that happens up north. “The weatherman is almost always wrong” is what I told myself as he forecasted a blizzard. Snow like what he’s talking about, is impossible!
Isn’t this what we do when we desire something so bad? We compare our desire to our experiences of our past. “If it hasn’t happened yet, it just won’t,” is what we believe, even if we won’t admit it.
The relationship, the job, the prodigal, the weather.
But why do we hold so closely to that belief? Isn’t God the God of promise keeping? Isn’t He faithful to make the impossible…possible?
There are a few things I’m believing Him for, and I Know He will make it happen. But I know it is going to happen in His timing.
I’m being very transparent and vulnerable in sharing this…
But this one desire…a man who loves me like the Ephesian 5 husband. (Another topic for a different post)
Don’t get me wrong, I know there are men out there that fit that description. But for me? I just don’t believe God will do that for me. It seems…Impossible. I know He Can. But the part about Him actually doing This thing…not sure.
What is that one desire you don’t fully believe God will fulfill in your life?
I know where this stems from for me. It’s a deep seeded abandonment wound from childhood, from my marriage, and from a recent relationship I thought was going to be my forever love. I’m clinging to the disappointments from my past. These situations have caused me to doubt God’s goodness and faithfulness.
Let me share a little about this relationship that I feel ended too soon…
We met in a coffeeshop. He pursued me in ways I have never been pursued. He noticed things and did things that I have never experienced from a man, Ever. It became an easy thing to fall in love with him because it felt like a fairytale. In my mind, I was married to him and he was here to stay. Then one day it was all gone. It was like the air had been completely knocked out of me, the grief hit hard! I still don’t fully understand what happened, it happened so fast, and I never got closure.
Shortly after this happened (the same month) I was let go from my job. A decent job with flexibility, good pay, and benefits. The grief wasn’t gone, it was added to, and this just sent me in a downward spiral. I was losing hope, fast. Depression was setting in, fast. And to be honest, the only thing that kept me from going off the deep end were my kids and a couple of my friends.
I kept praying. I kept worshiping.
I had to reset my own mindset! Look at the opportunities in my current view. How could I move forward? I needed income, but I didn’t need a man. I needed a support system, and I had that! So, I leaned on them until I came out of the depression from the grief. It’s still a struggle at times, but healing takes time, and I am giving myself grace in this process.
One of those things that I Know God will provide soon for…an income, a career. But the deepest desire of my heart…to be loved properly, and not be abandoned.
Is God making it snow in the south the same type of impossible as Him sending me to a man who will love me the way I desire to be loved? I don’t think so. But I have to remember that God is still the God of impossible! And even in the middle of my doubting, He can bring me what I deeply desire.
I can’t allow the “yet” to keep me discouraged. The job isn’t here, yet. The forever love isn’t here, yet.
But God Is here! And He promises in Matthew 6:33 that when I seek Him above Everything else, He will give me everything I need. Psalm 23 reminds me that He is all I need. So I will keep seeking Him. Praying. Worshipping. And I have to trust that in His timing, He will bring me to that man I so deeply desire.
So friend, what is your “impossible”? Is it a job, a relationship, a healing? Whatever that impossible is, I want to encourage you…Keep praying, Keep worshipping. What else do you need in this season? Is there something you can do right now? Sometimes it’s practical…seek help, reset your routine, reset your mindset? Comment below or contact me. You never know who will be inspired or is able to inspire you. But one thing I know for certain, no decision is a decision. If you want things to change, you have to do something different this time.
