This One May Step On Some Toes...
But it needs to be talked about
And we (yes WE) are all guilty of saying this word. These phrases….
I'm trying...
I'm going to try...
Story Time
I am a mom. I have been blessed with 4 amazing children. And with parenting comes responsibility. I know that a huge part of that responsibility is awareness. As healing happens, those awareness levels just keep getting uncovered. It’s kind of like a video game.
Mom-ing
Along this mothering journey, I had a habit of going to the “experts” about how to parent my children.
Now, if you know anything about being a parent, you cannot compare your children to other children, and you most certainly can’t compare your parenting style to someone else’s. I mean, you can…but that comparing and “trying” to do what “they” do will leave you feeling discouraged and frustrated at best.
Nonetheless, I “tried” to parent the way the “experts” were instructing me, I “tried” parenting the way seasoned moms were telling me to, I “tried” parenting how I was my friends parent their children – because their children seemed like angels compared to mine, so I must be doing something wrong because my children just don’t behave how I feel they should.
But hey, I “tried.”
Working Out
About 7 years ago I felt the awareness – that I needed to get to a point physically that I could run and jump and play with my children, without running out of breath. So, I “tried” working out. I looked up ‘workouts at home’ and would start but wouldn’t continue.
“Trying” to work out at home, as a mom, was extremely distracting. It had been years since I had a workout routine, so “trying” this thing again, was hard. Both physically and mentally, hard. So it didn’t last long.
But hey! At least I “tried.”
"Try" Is A Trap
Sounds Responsible - But Keeps You Stuck
I know, I know. Saying “try” is a habit. But habits can be changed. And some habits need to be changed – Especially if you want to get un-stuck.
The more we know, the more responsibility we have. So, you are free to do what you would like with this information.
But my hope with sharing this information is that you would dig deep and change your vocabulary – essentially changing your mindset – ultimately changing your life.
Let me explain…
You either do or you don’t. “Trying” is not an actual thing.
I parented one way – I did it. I worked out one way – I did it.
The results may not have been what I wanted them to be – I felt so defeated – so I stopped the actions.
I did it. Then I didn’t. There was no “try.”
Saying “try” just gives you an excuse to not do what you say you want to do. And you stay right where you are. Stuck.
The Science Behind It
While many people may say laziness is the reason for not doing something or putting off doing something, science shows something deeper. Let me explain our amazing nervous system and how it affects our decision making…
The Brain's Reward System
Our brains are wired to seek immediate comfort and avoid discomfort – even when it sabotages long term goals.
- The limbic system (emotional brain) drives us toward instant gratification (rest, scrolling, food, etc.)
- The prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) handles logic, discipline, and planning – but it’s slower and uses more energy.
- When the limbic system overpowers the prefrontal cortex, emotions win over reason.
This is why we often say things like, “I know I should, but I just don’t feel like it,” or “I should do this, but it’s too hard to start.”
Dopamine and Motivation
Dopamine isn’t just a “pleasure” chemical – it’s the motivational chemical
- We get dopamine spikes from anticipating something rewarding – like checking our phones or finishing a task.
- But if a task feels boring, overwhelming, or uncertain, the brain predicts low reward, and dopamine drops.
So, it’s not that you’re lazy – your brain literally doesn’t get the chemical “spark” it needs to move forward toward that task.
The Role of Fear & Avoidance
When something feels hard, the amygdala (fear center) lights up.
- Fear of failure, judgement, or discomfort can trigger a stress response.
- Your body’s instinct is to avoid threat – even if it’s just emotional discomfort.
This is why people procrastinate or “numb out” with distractions. Avoidance temporarily soothes anxiety – but reinforces the pattern.
Energy & Decision Fatigue
Every decision and bit of self-control uses glucose and mental energy.
When you’re tired, stressed, or emotionally drained, the prefrontal cortex has less fuel – and your ability to self-regulate drops.
That’s why discipline feels easy some days and impossible others.
The Psychology Behind It
Inner Conflict & Identity
Sometimes the resistance isn’t about the task itself – it’s about identity conflict.
If doing something challenges who you’ve been – “the person who always people-pleases,” “the one who never says no,” the one who’s opinions and actions have been minimized or disregarded,” etc. – your subconscious resists.
Change feels unsafe until your brain experiences evidence that the new way is safe and rewarding.
The resistance isn't rebellion - it's a conflict between who you were and who you're becoming.
Survival Brain vs. Healing Brain
Now that ya’ll have an understanding on the “why” behind “try” – I will explain how this translates from Survival Brain to Healing Brain…
The survival brain (limbic system & amygdala) runs the show when someone has lived in fear, instability, or rejection for any period of time. It is literally wired to protect. So, you end up frozen – not because you’re weak, but because your nervous system is doing it’s job – keeping you safe – based on old experiences.
Most of the time this originated in childhood – this is why “childhood trauma” is so readily talked about right now, it’s affecting us as adults more than we even know. Survival says:
“Don’t change – change feels unsafe.”
“Don’t rest – you’ll loose control.”
“Don’t trust – you’ll get hurt again.”
The healing brain (prefrontal cortex) activates when the nervous system feels safe. Not only does this part handle logic and planning, it’s also responsible for reasoning and creativity – keeping you present and connected.
When the healing brain is activated, the body isn’t responding to a threat – it’s responding to truth. Healing says:
“I can pause before responding – I no longer have to react.”
“I can make choices from peace – not fear.”
“I can be curious – instead of judgmental.”
This is the space where you can actually grow, set & enforce boundaries, and embody who you're becoming.
Rewiring
From Survival Brain To Healing Brain
Now that you have the understanding of why you have been saying the dreaded “try,” let’s get it out of your vocabulary and move to doing (or not doing) instead.
Let me start this by part by telling you that healing isn’t about forcing the survival brain to shut down. It’s more about teaching you how to train your brain to believe it’s safe – through truth and new experiences.
Seek Truth
When we have been in survival brain for an extended period of time, triggers seem to be everywhere. Knowing truth before a trigger strikes is crucial to moving through – and past that experience – in a healthy way.
What is a “trigger” in everyday life terms?
A “trigger” is how your body reacts to a memory. When something in the present activates an unhealed experience from the past your nervous system literally says, “This feels familiar…and last time it wasn’t safe.” Even if the current situation isn’t dangerous at all, your survival brain sends out an alarm – because those past experiences were stored as sensations, emotions, memories, patterns, and unmet needs.
The truth: the reaction is real – but you’re responding to something old, not what is happening now.
If you can pinpoint the past experience associated with this reaction – you can deal with it head on (and you most likely already have the tools to do that).
But if you aren’t sure where the reaction is coming from – this is where I highly recommend seeking guidance. This guidance can come in the form of a coach, counselor, or someone you feel safe going to (who can actually help you).
Now let me be clear on this one…not every safe person in your life can guide you in healing old wounds, and not every coach or counselor is a good fit.
It’s kind of like an amazing pair of jeans. You may find a few that are a good fit – but you know that AMAZING pair that just fits in all the right places and makes your outfit come together perfectly? That is very similar to anyone helping and guiding you along your healing journey.
This is me giving you permission to shop around!
Practice Safety
Now, let’s activate your healing brain so you stop feeling like you don’t have a choice in your mind and body. Because you absolutely do!
This shift to safety is where clarity, identity, faith, and healthy decisions come from.
- Grounding: Slow and steady breathing. Bonding exercises. Stretching. Walking barefoot in grass. Something physical that will bring your mind back to the present moment.
- Speak Truth: Create a short phrase that reminds you that this is temporary and you are safe – something along the lines of, “This is uncomfortable, not unsafe.”
- One Small Step: A small action that moves you forward toward your goal. This will look different depending on what you are seeking to accomplish. The littlest action forward teaches your brain that you are safe and able to make decisions.
- Connection: To God and a safe person. Seek out scripture that speaks life and write out prayers to combat the lies. Make a list of safe people you can call, and let them know about this action step. Connection signals safety to your brain.
Do these 4 things before triggers hit. Practice them when you are feeling safe.
Think of this as a sport – because it is a mental sport. You practice until you can do a drill without hesitation. Same principle applies to practicing safety within yourself.
Because friend, you don’t want to be in the middle of a breakdown over a trigger and fight with your brain to remember these things!
My "Try" - Changed
Once I realized my “try” was a deception – a way for me to feel better about not following through, a way for me to procrastinate in doing the hard thing – I had a responsibility.
Yes, like I said, I stopped what I was doing in the way I parented my children, and I stopped working out at home. But I didn’t quit! I had to find a new way of doing things that were important to me.
I figured out how each of my children operated, and now I parent according to each child. There is a lot to take into consideration doing this, and it is hard! But it is so worth it!
My life situation changed before I started a new workout routine – and with an updated life, I also updated my goals. Not only am I working out in a gym now to be able to keep up with my children, but I want to be strong. I have found joy in challenging myself physically, and with the physical achievements comes the mental achievements.
I have become so much more disciplined and consistent once I got rid of “try” from my vocabulary. And it has shown me how resilient I am. *Insert peaceful sigh*
Your Next Step
Taking something important and changing it as many times so it works – is the essence of not giving up on the important things.
It’s not a loss if it doesn’t work friend, it’s a lesson.
Now it’s time for you to do some reflecting…
Reflect on your “tries” that you gave up.
- Think about how important they were for you to even start.
- Are they still important to you? Can you revisit them in this season?
- What did you learn from the beginning to the stopping?
Writing the answers (or using a voice recorder) to answer these questions will help you get “try” out of your vocabulary.
Once you identify your why’s behind your “try” – you’ll be aware when you say it or are about to say it. And please remember that this is new for you. It’s new for your nervous system. This will take time to create this new habit. So, give yourself grace as you grow closer to becoming who you were created to be. There is no room for blaming and shaming yourself in this process.
Now, you can replace “try”!
Replacing Your "Try"
*This new awareness is telling you that there is some sort of hesitation – is it fear? Is it uncertainty? Notice it…
Gently ask yourself…
“What am I afraid of committing to right now?”
“What am I unsure about right now?”
Then ask yourself…
“What is “try” protecting me from?”
- fear of failing?
- fear of disappointing others?
- fear of being seen?
- fear of not following through?
- fear of choosing wrong?
The science: naming the fear moves you out of survival brain and back into healing brain.
*Replace “try” with honesty and truth…
Instead of forcing a “yes,” simply tell the truth.
- “I’m not available for that.”
- “I’m choosing not to right now.”
- I need more time before deciding.”
- Yes, I’m doing this.”
- No, this isn’t something that aligns with me.”
The science: Truth builds self-trust. “Try” has been stealing that from you!
*When you make a decision, it doesn’t mean it has to be perfect. It also doesn’t mean it will be set in stone and last forever. All a decision is, is taking the next right step. One way to do this is to make small decisions…
Instead of saying, “I’ll try to work out consistently…”
Say, “I’m going to move my body for 10 minutes today.”
Instead of saying, ” I’ll try to not yell at my kids today…”
Say, “I’m choosing to understand why they are behaving like that.”
The science: Your brain and nervous system need clarity, not pressure and guilt to make better decisions.
*If at any point in this process, your body feels tense or frozen – PAUSE!
Slow down your breathing. Listen for your heartbeat. Notice any smell or noise that is around you.
The science: Slowing down tells your brain and nervous system that making a choice is safe. When you are calm, you make better decisions.
*Every time you make a decision – and follow through…your brain learns:
“I can trust myself.”
The science: Either you do what you decided to do, or you re-decide. Your follow-through rewires both your confidence and consistency.
*This part is really important!
What happens if you don’t follow through? If you don’t achieve what you had full intentions on achieving? Do you consider that failure? If so, this is the time for you to reframe failure – so you don’t return to “try.”
Ask yourself:
“What got in the way? What do I need to do now?”
Healing isn’t about getting it right – it’s more about staying connected and honest with yourself.
*Some key points to remember when going forward…
- If it’s not a yes…say no.
- If it’s not a decision…don’t pretend it is.
- You do not need to “try” to become who you believe you were meant to be.
- All you have to do is make 1 choice at a time. Just take the next step – remembering you can change it if and when you need to.
Participation Is A Key Part of This...
I would love to know how this resonated with you, friend!
Leave a comment. Share this with someone struggling with ‘The Lie of “Try”.’ Share this post on your socials.
And if you would like to go deeper, shoot me an email. I offer 1:1 coaching for women struggling with knowing they need a change – but not quite sure how, or just needing support and a push.
Sending all the love and encouragement to you, friend!